How to Rally Your Village During the Fourth Trimester

By Cameron Rogers, host of “Conversations with Cam”

5 min. read time

When I brought my first baby home, I thought I had prepared for everything.I asked my friends for advice, decorated the nursery, stocked the freezer, and lined up what I thought was a solid support plan. But nothing truly prepares you for the fourth trimester - those first three months after birth when your body is healing, your baby needs you around the clock, and sleep feels like a distant memory. It’s a beautiful, love-filled time, but it can also be overwhelming, isolating, and messy.

What I learned —and wish I’d understood earlier — is that you don’t have to go through it alone. We hear “it takes a village” all the time, but the nature of how we live today means that village doesn’t always appear on its own. Sometimes, you have to call it in. Asking for help can feel awkward, especially if you’re like me and hate feeling like a burden, but the truth is that the people who love you want to help. I think about how much joy I feel when I help my friends and family, and am reminded that they feel the same way when I allow them the opportunity to help me. However, they cannot read my mind and, unfortunately, it can be hard to state our needs directly. A new survey by Philips Avent & March of Dimes found that nearly two-thirds of parents say they need the most help in the first three months after birth, yet more than 60% of moms find it hard to voice their needs.

While most of us know we need support, it’s tough to articulate when we’re still figuring out what life with a newborn looks like. That silence often leaves us feeling like we must power through on our own, while friends and family wait for an invitation to step in.

Here’s what helped me feel less alone, and what I tell other moms who ask how to build their support system:

1) Get clear on what you need.

The next time you feel overwhelmed, spend 5-10 minutes writing out what would help the most right now. When you’re deep in newborn life, the mental load can make even simple decisions feel impossible. But if you pause to reflect on small self-care needs like a meal you’re craving, a shower while someone holds the baby, help with the dishes, or simply a conversation to talk about things outside motherhood, you can understand exactly what to ask for.

Don’t feel guilty if it sounds like a luxury; it’s not. These small acts for yourself are what keep you going when everything feels new and heavy.

2) Draft the text. Make the call. Reach out.

Once you know what would make life easier for you, it’s time to do the actual asking. It’s uncomfortable at first, but it gets easier. Instead of waiting for someone to guess, try something simple like these examples below.

1) "Hey! I’d love to catch up and see you now that we’re welcoming visitors! Are you able to come hang out at some point this week and chat? Also,if you’re able to, any chance you can hang with the baby for a bit so I can get a few things done around the house that I’ve been putting off? Appreciate you!!”

2) “Hi! I’ve been feeling super overwhelmed lately with everything going on and could really use some help. Would you be able to stop by and help out with some things like laundry, dishes, or watching the baby for an hour while I get a few things done? No pressure at all, but I’d truly appreciate it if possible!!

3) “Hey! We’re welcoming visitors!! I’d love to introduce you to the baby and to catch up. Let me know if you have any free time this week to stop by!

Don’t think of it as a chore list; it’s helpful to let people understand where they can best support you. As my friends became moms, I created a template text that I shared with all of them to offer specific ways in which I could jump in and help based on the needs I had as a new mom – but I still notice they have trouble reaching out to me first. For moms, that same clarity can make asking feel more doable.

3) Reimagine your village.

According to the survey, support is more often provided to an immediate family member (63%) than to a close friend (49%), but everyone can play a role in the village. Maybe your family is far away, but you have neighbors who can walk the dog, coworkers who’ll drop off dinner, or friends who will send grocery deliveries or gift cards. Online communities count too. Sometimes the most supportive people are the ones who remind you you’re not alone at 3 a.m. when you’re scrolling with a fussy baby.

Remember, as the newborn weeks pass, it’s still okay to ask for help. Support often fades after the first few months, but parenting doesn’t magically get easier at eight weeks or eight months. So, give yourself permission to share the care, and let the people who love you show up in the ways you need them most.